What is wrong with me...

I am slipping back into my sickness. I think I know what is causing it but can not stop it. Those that I need help from, don't seem to really care. There is just too much lip service and just getting tired of it. It happens everywhere to everyone. I guess this is true that the only one I can count on is God, and I feel like I am failing Him too. What's the deal??????

My attempt at a short story...

The son asked, in his four year old voice, “Daddy, what do you want for Christmas?” The dad answered by saying, “An iPOD, tools, and happiness”. The dad was just answering the question, not really meaning anything particular by his answer. The son was always asking questions, so the dad just answered to appease him.
That following Sunday, the son was in Sunday School learning about the special gift that was given at Christmas. In class they talked about what God did by sending his son Jesus to earth as a gift for us. So to mark this occasion, each child made (with a little help from the teacher) a little paper heart that they were to give to someone special to them.
Time and love was spent on their proud offering. They were so excited they could make their own. One of them chattered, “Mine looks better than my sister’s.” Another one said, “Grandma is going to be so proud of me. I did this all by myself.” But the son was very meticulous in his work. He took the rest of class to get it just right.
After church, the son and his family went home and had their Sunday lunch, and then the son and his younger brother went to take their naps. Just before the son laid down, he wanted to give Dad a present; he couldn’t wait till Christmas day. So with excitement in his voice he instructed Dad, “I have a surprise for you, close your eyes.” So in the same manner that Dad answered his questions, he appeased his son’s request. “Open them!” hollered the son, and so Dad responded.
Before him in his son’s little hands, laid a small wrapped present that was the size of a jewelry box. There was paper all over and a half roll of tape was used to hold this all in place. “This is a neat present, did you do this wrap this?” asked Dad. “Yes, and I did it all my self, too” answered the son. Pretending to be excited, the Dad opened the gift.
Inside this box was a little blue paper heart. When the Dad lifted the heart out of the box, the son stated in his most cheerful voice, “I wanted to give you my heart! It will make you happy!” The Dad stood there in silence with tears welling in his eyes. Little did Dad know, but the son was listening. Not with his ears, but his heart. Dad never loved his son more than that moment.

Broken...

I was listening to another Paul Washer sermon...This one was on Isaiah 50. I took from it this..."May God break you down so bad that only he could put the pieces back together".

Have you ever said that? Does this fit our seeker-friendly society? I would like to think that if I ever preached a sermon, it would be this short and only utter those words. What would the response of the crowd be then? This should be the topic of more sermons than God loves you, now pray this prayer and (poof) you are now a christian; go and sin no more.

The more I experiance God, the less of a man I am.

Dreams...

Most of the time, if I dream, I don't let it bother me too much. Saturday night/Sunday morning I had a dream that I will not soon forget. I was in a place that looked like a bi-level house with a large swamp in the back yard. I have no idea why I was at the house, but I entered it by a large spiral staircase on the side. I went to the basement first. My Grandma and Grandpa Lyon, Shirley Zimmerman, and Grandma Haskins were in a banquet room at the head table with large white walls behind them. I immediately thought "this isn't real, 3 of the 4 of them are dead and they can't all be together". But I was more than excited to see my grandparents and Shirley. When I asked any questions or tried to dialoge with them, they just looked at each other and shrugged their shoulders and didn't respond. This only lasted a few seconds but I did charish the moment.

Sunday in church, we sang a few hymns that came from the WOW Hymns. The service started a little slower than the norm and so my mind began to wander and all kinds of thoughts ran around lose. I remembered our discussion on worship so I put that to use. I chose not to listen to the thougths (as I am learning in my counseling sessions) and see what I had to offer for worship. I had probably one of the biggest smiles on my face!!! I had a bonding experience with my grandparents. I enjoyed those songs more than I ever had before, and I give credit to the dream I had the prior night.

It was a reminder that no matter how old/young we are, we are never, NEVER to not praise and worship our maker. I have been very deliberate lately with Ryan and getting him to understand what prayer is and we are never too old or young to pray. And there is no correct way to do it...just that we are.

Faith and faith development

Faith….

Here is faith as it was looked at in my Intro to Theology class at Marian College.

Faith is defined as a personal relationship, both given and made. It is not something we have, but something we do (action).
It is characterized by:
1. Confidence (trust)
2. Convictions (beliefs)
3. Commitments (rooted in choice, lived out over time)
4. Rooted in ongoing conversion (change over time)
5. Placed within a community
6. Celebrated (in worship)
7. Subsequently confirmed or not
8. Meant to pervade the whole of one’s life and living

Paul Tillich defined faith as ultimate concern. James Fowler, a psychologist took Kohlberg’s 6 stages of moral development and make a list of the 6 stages of faith development.

Stage 1: Intuitive Projective
Childs faith is shaped by the moods and affectivity of the primary adults, in whose relationship they participate.

Stage 2: Mythic Literal
Communication of meaning through narrative logic. “Story book” faith

Stage 3: Synthetic-conventional or Group faith
“I believe what we believe”

Stage 4: Individual-reflective/personal faith
Question of personal significance, meaning
Individuative
Reflective

Stage 5: Conjunctive/consolidative/paradoxical faith/mythic-ecclesial
Two-fold unity
Rediscover Church

Stage 6: Universalizing/sacrificial/prophetic
Possibly misleading title
Insufficient empirical set
Reprise of 1-5 in relationship
Heroic/sacrificial faith

Bernard of Clairvaux approached faith in 4 stages:
1. I love me
2. I love God for what God can do for me
3. I love God just for being God
4. Standing in God’s love, I love all that God loves, including me

We lie the most when we sing!

Why do we lie when we sing?

I am very much guilty of this as well. We had a pastor in Italy that made the comment, “We lie the most when we sing.” It never really hit me until one Sunday we were singing:

“So I'll stand with arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the one who gave it all
I'll stand my soul Lord to you surrender
All I am is yours”

Guess where my hands were...in my pockets. I sang my heart out but never once lifted a hand. Why?? I know it was because I am afraid of what others would think. We have a very liberal church worship style…no one would care, but I care what other think. So guess what that is doing to my worship…NOTHING, but hindering it. Inside I am jumping for joy and going nuts for God yet on the outside, I stand with my hands in my pockets doing some good harmony with the tunes. Our former worship pastor here told the worship team one Sunday "If you can't sing and MEAN every song we sing on Sunday, please don't sing. I would rather have you not sing, than stand in front of the church and lie to them".

Here is a song that I was singing with on the radio on Friday and it hit me again.

Bring the Rain by Mercyme:

I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that I've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You
Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

I am Yours regardless of
The dark clouds that may loom above
Because You are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me
By suffering Your destiny
So tell me what's a little rain
So I pray

Holy, holy, holy
Is the Lord God Almighty

Let me tell you something, I am still going through an illness that is/was brought on by my Generalized Anxiety Disorder and made worse with attacks from Satan. I may never get over it, just have to learn to accept and learn to live with it. I would have never prayed this “When this life brings me pain, But if that's what it takes to praise You, Jesus, bring the rain”. After having gone through this illness, I can now see what good it has done for me and others. This has helped 3 people directly that I know of. If you would have told me 10+ months this was going to happen, I would have said “No thanks, I can help them another way, I’ll pass”. But it was something that God wanted me to go through. I can remember on the day they did my brain MRI, I changed my prayer from “Heal me God” to “I hope they find spiritual growth in there”. I now sign the song “Bring the Rain” with whole new gusto…I see it as a challenge and triumph now. 1 Corinthians 1:31, 2 Corinthians 10:17, 2 Corinthians 11:30, and 2 Corinthians 12:9, all have the same word for “boasting”, kaucaomai. Per Strong’s Concordance, it means: to glory (whether with reason or without) to glory on account of a thing to glory in a thing.

Am I healed, No. Did I learn something, Yes. I am in Christian counseling for my GAD and learned something great…”God does not promise to give us a pain, free life, but he does promise us that he will be there.”

Unpardonable Sin...

In my Theo class last week, the question came up what the "unpardonable sin" was mentioned in 2Ki 24:4; Mat 12:31,32; Luk 12:10; Hbr 6:4-6; 1Jo 5:16. Being the catholic class that it was, then mentioned "not chosinge God and his forgiveness of our sins" is the unpardonable sin. Matthew 12:31: All manner of sin and blasphemy shall be forgiven unto men: but the blasphemy [against] the [Holy] Ghost shall not be forgiven unto men.

This scripture says nothing about not accepting forgivness. Blasphemy is "blas’-fe-mi (blasphemia): In classical Greek meant primarily "defamation" or "evil-speaking" in general; "a word of evil omen," hence, "impious, and irreverent speech against God."


What is the deal? Any ideas??